CAUSE OF DEATH: HORIZONTAL PATTERN

Ahhhhhh.......Mandisa.

Last night, she took one for the phat girls .... right between the eyes.

Mandisa, Mandisa, Mandisa. MAN-DIVA.

You rock my world. You really do.

You represented for the thick thighs, the big arms and the double chins. You shook it like a salt shaker AND a Polaroid picture. You brought it down for Big and Brown.

But then, you made a critical error. You dared to disprove the tried and true "By God, dress for your body type" theorem. And you did so on voting night. ABORT PLAN! I REPEAT, ABORT!

Then, to pour vinegar, salt and some Lipton onion mix into the gaping wound, you show up on results night looking like a fox. Downright vixen-esque. Like a juicy piece of red velvet cake.

And this morning, Bucky Covington is not only thanking God for NASCAR, Wal-Mart rollbacks, the new Rascal Flatts CD and Banquet frozen dinners, but he's also thanking God for horizontal stripes and an A-line cut.

May you rest in peace -- and dark hues. See you in Dreamgirls.

I'll miss you and mourn for you -- all the while painfully watching Ace Young do his best with Dirty Dancing's "Hungry Eyes."